RESEARCH PROJECT

Ankle Deep Water (ADW) was the main research project I undertook this past year. While it was not an explicitly feminist work, there were still many feminist concepts underpinning the creation of the work. Ankle Deep Water was a solo work performed in a traditional theatre setting. It was an exploration of my mental health experience in relation to trauma. Much of the motivation for the creation of this work was to talk candidly about the aspects of my life that I kept obscured, as is often the case with mental health struggles. I was hopeful that it would encourage the audience to reflect introspectively about the people in their lives that may struggle with their mental health, and be able to find compassion and understanding for these people. I was also hoping that it would show people that they are never alone in their battles with mental illness. 

The other purpose in the creation of this work was for my own catharsis. In 2014 Bessel van der Kolk released The Body Keeps The Score: Brain, Mind, And Body in the Healing of Trauma. He suggests that trauma is stored in the body in different ways and affects parts of the brain related to pleasure, control, and trust. There is research to suggest the effectiveness of art and movement therapy in the healing process. I was hopeful that the process of creating this piece would act as a therapeutic practice. 

The main research methodology I employed was embodied research. Embodied research prioritises the relevance of embodied knowledge. This is significant for both dance practice, which is an inherently embodied discipline, and trauma-informed practice. These were closely intertwined in my creative process. There were particular sections of this work that required more embodied awareness than others. The trauma dream section was one part that combined embodied practice and trauma-informed practice. The trauma dreamscape started with my eyes closed and my hands exploring my body to try and position the body in space. Often whilst asleep, what is happening in a dream can feel real, but there is a sense of detachment from the body. You can almost sense that something is wrong, which is why people “pinch themselves” to see if they are dreaming. I wanted to bring this sense of unease to this section. I experimented first with finding that unease within myself. I tried a few different methods. Firstly, I tried laying in the foetal position until I started to feel the heaviness of sleep come over me. Only then would I allow myself to begin to move, almost as if I was sleepwalking. I also experimented with improvising with my eyes closed, trying to hold onto images from recurring nightmares. I felt that I was moving erratically and unpredictably. This sequence, allowing myself to get heavy/sleepy and then moving erratically continued to evolve throughout the rehearsal process. I was able to find the heavy space more efficiently each time and then lose myself in the movement inspired by specific dreams. 

Part of the process involved taking movements that occurred in my life as trauma responses and expanding upon them. This made rehearsals emotionally draining, but what I was able to do was choreograph my trauma responses, which gave me a sense of control. If I started to truly panic, I would move to the next sequence and would be forced to return to a normal breath pattern and refocus my thoughts. Cathy Malchiodi, a psychiatrist and art-therapist, discusses the connection between mind and body and the influence of art in the healing process. 

“What I began to learn from these individuals was that the action-oriented nature of expressive arts could be a way to cope with what would later be commonly identified as the dissociative episodes many experienced regularly because of traumatic memories” (Malchiodi, 2020, p. 13).

Malchiodi primarily worked with children using methods of drawing and structured play to help these children express their traumatic experiences in lieu of “talk therapy”. The focused tasks of artistic expression, whether self-imposed or otherwise, helped patients to manage the intense feelings from traumatic memories. I implemented these same methods in the rehearsal process. I would assign myself dance tasks in relation to specific trauma responses and work through the tasks to better understand my own emotions. 

This project also utilised performance research. There were three performances as part of this season. Each one was minimally different as part of the work involved open-scores and improvised sections. I had to make decisions on stage based primarily on embodied knowledge and how I was feeling. I also had to keep the emotions fresh for each performance. I knew that people would not respond to acted or disingenuous emotions. Much of the performance featured an averted gaze forcing the audience to be drawn in, but when there was direct eye contact, I made sure to actually find someone in the audience to look at. I felt that this gave me purpose; like there was one person to whom I was telling the story. It felt more personal to me, and based on feedback, was effective for the audience too. 

The significance of the body is what makes this work feminist. The body and feminism are undeniably intertwined. Embodied practice helped me to better empower myself within my body. I finished the process feeling more confident and powerful as a woman who had experienced trauma at the hands of a man. Perhaps the feminism was understated and personal in this work, but I have already begun work on my next piece, What She Does For Me, which is an exploration of societal expectations surrounding body image. Part of what I am hoping to achieve through this work is a more inclusive intersection of feminism. 

Before and during the creation of Ankle Deep Water I engrossed myself in many scholarly articles. Some of them focused on the relationship between trauma and art-therapy, some on how trauma is stored in the body, and some on feminism in art. Much of the information gleaned from these articles influenced a more scholarly approach to the creative process; how can I use what I know about trauma in the body to illustrate my experience? How can my understanding of feminist art impress upon my practice as a feminist dance practitioner?
I found that some of the feminist scholars and artists I was reading about, were a little outdated in their approaches. There were many works highlighting the views of feminists from the 70’s and 80’s, and while as a modern feminist, I have to acknowledge the effort of these women in paving the way for me, I also appreciate that the feminist movement has evolved since then. Where much of early feminism is focused on the role and rights of women vs men, modern feminism is more focused on intersectionality and inclusivity. This is something that I am aiming to highlight in my next research project.   

Overall, the research methods utilised in this project allowed for a deeper understanding of my own practice. I was able to refine my embodied practice and better discern methods that would benefit me. With the help of scholarly research, I was able to incorporate trauma-informed methods of art therapy to my work, which helped me both as a performer and as someone with mental health issues. One of the things I want to work on for my upcoming research projects is being more explicit in my presentation of feminist ideals. Unfortunately, the audience numbers for Ankle Deep Water were quite small. The theatre director informed me that had been the case for most performances as we were still adjusting to the return to live theatre after COVID lockdowns. I am hoping that for my next theatre-based work, I will be able to engage a larger audience, which will allow for exposure and feedback from a more diverse crowd.