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A Journey in Four Parts: Part One:
The water pools around my feet and I feel like I am drowning. I think about the saying that goes: “ someone who drowns in an inch of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water.” Today I am gasping for air in ankle-deep water. I try to stay calm. In theory, I know that I can swim, that I can stand, on this shallow bank. In practice, I panic and my body does not listen to my brain, because my brain cannot give clear instructions. Most days, the only things that helps is when he holds me. My mental illness has put a strain on our relationship, but he is so patient with me and it makes all the difference.
Part Two:
Trauma dreams come in the early hours of the morning. I know this because when I finally wake from them, I can hear the birds chirping. I shut my eyes tight and see the awful images my brain conjured up for me. Often I am being attacked by wild animals. Sometimes I am betrayed by the people closest to me. Either way, I am shaken all day. I fear going back to sleep, I am on edge. I long for the normalcy of a dream that I can recount with laughter instead of tears and panic. Part Three:
Therapy. EMDR. Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It’s a fairly common therapy for people dealing with trauma and has worked wonders for me. Therapy has helped me learn more about what is happening in my brain when I get anxious. It has taught me techniques to self-soothe and be more independent. It’s not always easy and I don’t always leave feeling good, but it has made a huge impact in my daily life. Some days I feel like dancing and that’s how I know I am starting to get better.
Part Four:
Healing isn’t linear. I know this and yet some days it feels like nothing has changed. Like I’m still as depressed and anxious as I was when this all started. On good days I can see the progress. On bad days, nothing. It’s an ongoing battle and it’s exhausting.
Music Credits: Relaxing River Sounds
by The Silent Watcher
Wandering Jane (feat. Jack Liebeck) Written by Dario Marianelli
Performed by Benjamin Wallfisch, Dario Marianelli, Jack Liebeck
Lux Aeterna
Written by György Ligeti
Performed by Schola Heidelberg, Walter Nussbaum
Woke Up From A Dream
Written by Samuel Bentley
Performed by The Paper Kites
About the Artist:
Mara Glass completed a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Dance Performance from QUT in 2017. She also received a Postgraduate Diploma from Deakin University in 2020. She is currently undertaking a Masters of Dance Research for Professional Practitioners through Rambert School in the UK. Mara has been creating work as an independent artist since her work, Joy Box, debuted in 2020. This is her first time as choreographer and dancer for a full-length work.
Special Thanks To: Wollongong Pilates Studio
Ava Dance Centre
The Dance Space Studios
William O'Toole
Kieren Northam
Daniel Clarke